The best thing about blogging is anonymity. So I can say things here that I might not ever say anywhere else or even to anyone else…… I broke a cardinal groupie rule. I fell in love with a band member - and of all things - a singer. He’s not the usual singer type (I know, what a cliche statement). He’s very shy and we were friends for years before we ever tried to have a relationship. I’ve never seen him “hook up” with any girl, even me. We’ve never made it past a few kisses - even the night I slept in his house. The Groupie Nation confirms they haven’t either. The more I got to know him, the more I realized this was primarily because he’s had very few relationships in his life and the handful he experienced were immature. So I was something completely different for him, as he was for me. I always kept my “Golden Rule” —- Road Guys are for parties and nothing else, no romance, no sex, and never love. —-Their lifestyle is cumbersome where romantic relationships are concerned, work will always get in the way (the distance and length of absences), their creative nature can be bewildering, but none the less….. I Love Him. What’s truly scary is that it seems he loves me too. Yet, we’re not a couple, I put the kibosh on that . . . . for the above stated reasons. We’ve agreed to return to friendship, but anyone who’s ever seen the movie When Harry Met Sally knows that men & women can rarely be platonic friends. It usually only works when one or both in the friendship are gay. So as he & I struggle to be friends, we try to stick to the safe topics…. How’s work, what’s the weather like, the political campaign/debates of our favorite candidate, etc…. Yeah politics are safer for us to discuss than how we feel about each other. Inevitably, the relationship creeps into some conversations - which was the case today. He confessed to discussing me with one of his closest friends, I wish he’d have kept it to himself because this reveals to me that the ‘romantic door’ is still cracked open a bit. Like ol honest Abe, I can not tell a lie (FYI Lincoln lied in the Emancipation Proclamation but that’s another blog)…. as I was saying, the door never really shut for me but I acted as if it did. Mostly to save my own heart & sanity. When I realized he was doing the same thing, the buried emotions quickly surfaced & in true groupie fashion, I did a shot of Jack Daniels (my favorite whiskey) to numb the pain. I know in reality that I have few options (if you can think of more, I’m open to suggestions):
1. Cut him completely out of my life. Which means avoiding him, his band & any function he may be a part of - not very realistic.
2. Call both of us on our bullshit & try again - until we burn each other down to ashes - too painful.
3. Learn how to be “just friends” but that takes two and I’m not sure we’re both willing to do that……
Alas, I guess I have no options but to hang in limbo? The real dilemma is he will be at my birthday celebration in 6 days. There will be plenty of other people for me to busy myself with, but we were always magnetic and I fear I can not avoid the natural pull. Shall I wallow in Drugs & Rock N Roll to avoid the situation, when actually that will amplify it. Shall I avoid him? Shall I ask him to stay home, after all, he’s not playing the show & it’s an hour away from his home so wouldn’t that make things easier? No, it wouldn’t because I want him there - like a moth to a flame - I await getting burned by my own fire.

 PS - HE IS NOT THE SINGER FOR THE BAND WHICH I AM TATTOOED WITH.