It’s been a little while since I updated my blog & thot it was overdue…. so Cyber World, here’s the latest scoop on my chaotic life…….

#1 ~ I am unemployed - Happily!!! I am chosing to put all of my efforts into college. Forget the normal 4 classes I took while being employed full time, now I’m taking 8 classes. The earlier I graduate, the earlier I can move away from the ghost town that I live in. As for the company I left, I am so glad to be away from false people and their bullshit agendas. Fuck the establishment ~ man that feels good to say (write)! 

#2 ~ The Singer - UGH! Today we went around the bend again, as we always do but this time, I put my foot down & called for a determination - no more wishy-washy indecisive bullshit. After 2 years of limbo, we have mutually agreed that we are going to attempt to be just friends. HA! Anyone who’s ever seen the movie: When Harry Met Sally…. well you already know that men & women can not be platonic friends because one always wants to sleep with the other . . . . . so although I’ve never been intimate with this man, the topic has “come up” more than once. So bloggers, wish me luck, I’m gonna try this FRIENDS things but I’ll probably be blogging the total opposite of all of this in 6 months.

#3 ~ The Lost ~ I still think about the people I’ve lost in the last few weeks, I listen to their music, I think of their advice & remember the times I shared with them. . . . I don’t think it will ever leave me but at least the tears have stopped. I’ll never forget you: Mennie, Pandora & Springville.

#4 ~ A Good Thing ~ I live in the northeastern part of the States, it’s usually cold here & summer only lasts 3 months BUT it came early this year ~ it was 89 degrees the other day & nothing makes me happy the way warm weather & good ole sunshine does. Maybe the Universe is righting itself around in my favor?

Can anyone please explain to me how it is possible that I have known 3 people who passed away and were buried this week? First I heard about Kent, then it was Ronnie Newman, and now today I find out about Gram… She wasn’t my grandmother but she was to someone I once loved with my entire soul.

If things come in threes can I please be done now? I can’t take much more. I almost never cry, it has to be something extreme or drastic in order for me to shed a tear… that’s just how I’m made. I’m not cold hearted, just realistic. Death, along with pain, saddness, hurt, anger and LOVE are a part of life. I’ve understood this since the first time I attended a funeral as a child. I’ve been to so many for family & friends that I guess I’ve become somewhat desensitized to losing people. But today . . . tears run freely and I’m surprised as they stream down my cheeks . . . .

I wonder, deep inside, what exactly are these tears for? They are for Lennon - who lost his father. They are for friends & family of Ronnie. They are for Mike - who lost the only stable & constant person in his entire life. They are for recognizing the saddness in this world, the pain of others, the memories of these individuals and the effects they’ve had on my life. . . . these tears are for everyone who must live on without someone they loved & all of those that I love so much that I can’t bear the thought that one day I may witness myself mourning them . . .

Unfortunately, I can’t be there in person but my heart is no where else today.